Captain Sean Belig was startled awake by the sudden silence inside The Adriana.
He reached for his wooden leg and strapped it on, twisted his eye patch back to where it was supposed to be, rolled out of the bunk. Stepping into the lone swashbuckling boot, as he reached back and slapped that vision of loveliness on her firm backside.
“Get up wench,” he mumbled. “It only gets this quiet when we are approaching heaven or hell.”
Pamela rubbed her perfectly heart-shaped behind where Sean had smacked her and mumbled: “Heaven? Hell? What's the difference?”
But it was too quiet. Except for Capt'n Sean’s stumping up the ladder.
Serpents from the seas of Hades were about. No other living thing made a sound. Even the wind was afraid to stir.
“Wench, fetch me coffee while the sea is calm enough for drinkin it.”
Pamela slipped on her red-hot bikini, jumped on the ski boat and raced toward the beachside Starbucks on Islamorada key in the Florida bay.
The captain's addiction to caffe lattes was stronger than his addiction to buxom Pamela, so it irked her immensely that she was so expendable in his eyes.
“I am going to teach him a lesson he’ll never forget,” she thought to herself as she ordered.
“Hey bartender,” Pamela cooed, “How hot is your warmest hot sauce?”
A slight smile crosses the young bartender's face, “Almost as hot as you.”
“Wonderful. Add three dashes to that coffee... and don't leave town, I may need you later, sugar!” Pamela teased as she bounced out the door.
Pamela revved the engine on the ski boat and headed back to The Adriana, her beautiful, bountiful bosoms bound in a red bikini bouncing as the boat skipped over the waves. (Writer's note: I had to look up the spelling for bosom!)
She held firmly to the hot sauce-spiked coffee with one had while guiding the boat with the other.
“Hah, can`t wait to see him turn red, purple, and green! Must get the camera to hand first though,” she said to herself as a diabolical afterthought
She stepped onto the deck with quivering exitement and ducked quietly into the cabin to get the camera, tucking it into her ample cleavage.
“This pirate getup is getting old on this aging Vietnam Veteran,” she thought as she handed Sean the latte and stepped back as she reached for the the camera.
Pamela was not in the least prepared for what happened next! Sean gasped.... sputtered... turned blue...... and collapsed in a messy heap of latte, wooden leg, and black eye patch. She flung the camera aside and tried to revive him, but the hot sauce prevented her from resussitating him. After many attempts, she had to confess to herself that he was dead.
“No, no, no! He can't be dead! What should I do, what?” Pamela said to herself. “I should call someone... the police!”
Then she thought that might not be such a good idea because they would accuse her of ... of... what’s that word? Medication? Mediation? Pre- something, “Premeditation!”
Yep, the cops are always coming up with scenarios and then plugging the nearest available sucker into the mix. They’d accuse her of killing him for his money; you can bet on that. She’d have to take care of this herself. She’d just have to get rid of the body! Yeah, that’s it. So Pamela begins by dragging captain Sean Bluwiskers up on deck and rolling him overboard. Next she’d have to wipe off all of her fingerprints, can’t have any loose ends.
“See, I’m not such a dumb blonde after all, you old pirate!” she says to the floating captain, “No loose ends.”Then panic jumps back into her pretty green eyes, “Loose ends... The bartender!!!” He’s the only connection to her and the coffee! She has to do something about the bartender.
But what?
This time, Pamela was on a more important mission. In the back of her blonde mind, she had started to formulate an idea. She wanted the Adriana and now she was going all out to get it!
She dressed carefully and assessed the degree of promise her attire would hold for the bartender. Not too sexy, but sensual and alluring, because after all, he had already taken notice of her… attributes when she had met him earlier and she was quite sure he could be very useful if she played her cards right!
By the end of the day, he could be her future or just a pawn in her game.
She strolled into the bar and gave the bartender a look that would make the most experienced pirate blush.She said, “Hey Barkeep! I was over at the Scurvy Dog earlier and they said that your coffee is bitter and your hot sauce is weak!”
Then she smiled at him and their eyes met. She leaned in close to him. Close enough for her lips to brush his cheek and said, “I told him that you ran the finest establishment in the bay area. And then, I gave him the stink-eye.”“Is that so?” he said.
Eyeing her cleavage, he stood back a bit so she would have to lean over the counter a bit more, which of course she did very prettily.
He was becoming enamoured with her charms and she knew it would simply be a matter of time for him to do that which she required of him.
Little did the buxom blonde know she was about to take the dive for captain Sean Bluwiskers demise.
“The Adriana will be MINE once again,” thought the bartender, Johnny Depth. “Little Miss Pamela can be part of my future or just a pawn in the game.”
Apparently old Johnny boy knew captain Sean Bluwishers back when he was still known as just plain old Sean Belig, nuclear physicist. After making his small fortune manufacturing nuclear-powered lawnmowers for people with really big yards, old Sean decided to chuck all the scientific mumbo-jumbo-gumbo and live out his boyhood fantasy of being Old Blue Beard the scurvy pirate of the 8 seas. (I know there are only 7, but try telling Mister Pirate Know-it-All that!)
"I had the idea of nuclear-powered mowers first! I should be the one with the big boat and the curvy blonde,” Johnny reasoned. As luck would have it, young miss Pamela provided the perfect solution to the burning question “How Can I Get Rid of Sean, Nuclear Thief?”
Out of greed and lust and lust for greed, he prepared a lethal mix of nuclear-flavored hot sauce with Sean's name written all over it. And better yet, the dame would get the blame!
Realizing his excitement had caused him to wet himself... again, he quickly ran into the back room for a change of rubber underwear.
Meanwhile back on The Adriana, Pamela watches Sean drift slowly out to sea and nostalgically wishes she had put weights on the body so it would sink to the bottom of the sea, never to be found again.
As luck would have it, a really big wave came at just that precise moment carrying a 24.4 pound dumbbell in its wake! The wave flipped Capt. Sean over and the dumbbell lodged right under his chin!Slowly, Sean sank head first into the sea, up to his Lands End tie leg, trousers.
Unfortunately, an air pocket had formed in the legs of the trousers, which held Sean's feet up in the air.Bobbing with each wave, he looked like a lone syncronized swimmer... unsynced.
“Darn it,” Pamela swore. “He was a terrible dancer alive and he's even worse dead.”She watched Sean's feet bobbing in the air, recalling the time he stomped her toe with his peg leg when they were dancing at…
“OMG! Is that a Coast Guard Patrol Boat speeding this way?” said Pamela. “I wish I had shaved my legs this morning. Some of these guys are hot!”
She quickly adjusted her sarong to form Indian trousers and jumped onto the jet-ski to divert them and lead them off into the opposite direction.
“Perhaps I should conveniently fall off the thing on the other side of the boat,” she thought. “They will be so busy saving me, they won’t notice the feet bobbing out of the water.”
When Pamela “fell” off the jet ski into the warm water, her sarong slipped off and sank to the bottom of the sea, leaving her naked except for a cleavage-revealing bikini top ... and hairy legs.
Pamela, a weak swimmer, was kept afloat by her surgically-enhanced boobs that bobbed on the water like balloons.
Captain Wood, of the Coast Guard patrol boat, asked one of the seamen looking through binoculars what he could see. “I can barely make it out captain, but it looks like big boobies bobbing like balloons. Back and forth. Bob...bob...bob...”
"Hmmm, I don't doubt your judgement, sailor, but maybe I should take a look just to be sure,” said Captain Richard Wood.
Captain Wood looked through the binoculars. "Seaman," he said, beaming a smile. “You're right. Those are big boobies bob, bob, bobbing like balloons. Better sound the alarm. We're going in.”
With that, the captain dived into the water and immediately hit his head on the side of the boat.
The crewmen look at each other, stifling laughs, then decided someone better dive in and save the captain before he drowns.
They looked at one another, each expecting someone else to jump in to save the captain. Shrugging, they started a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors to see who would have to jump in after the captain.Meanwhile, Pamela's big bobbing boobies kept her afloat as she drifted toward the Coast Guard boat.
Forgetting about the captain to attend to the more important task at hand, all of them were leaning over the side of the boat in an effort to see Pamela and her big bountiful bobbing boobs being lifted from the water by very helpful hands. They gave her brandy to warm her. They rubbed her hair dry. They got her some dry clothes. They…”
Oh my goodness” one exclaimed “We’ve forgotten about Captain Rick! We have to go back for him!”
There was great consternation when they couldn’t see any sign of him! He had disappeared!
The crew turned the ship around and headed in what they hoped was the right direction. They had to find Captain Rick. He, after all, was the only one who knew the way home! He kept that compass under lock and key, a key very similar to the one Pamela wore around her neck on a thin silver chain.
There was, however, no sign of the captain, so they started to make up stories as to what they would say at the inquiry that would no doubt be in the cards.
By now, it was getting dark, and being well-versed in finding direction by the stars, they sailed directly back in the direction of the city lights, glowing in the distance.
In the meantime, Pamela was trying the key on the box which housed the compass. She and Captain Rick had been associated for a long time, although no one else had ever been aware of their affair.
Meanwhile, Captain Rick was treading water and wishing Pamela would hurry up and bring the canister with her. He had been in the water for several hours, and was beginning to get rather cold, but it had been very neccessary for the whole drowning scenario to be staged.
The FBI would commend them for their fine handling of The Adriana case, and he and Pamela could look forward to a well-deserved break.
In the meantime, Pamela had left the crew to sit and fabricate their stories, while she retrieved the canister and jumped over the side to meet up with Rick on the dark side of The Adriana.
All that was left to do was deal with the coffee Adonis on board, then the case would truly be over and they could hand over the canister.
As midnight approached they would board their beloved Adriana again and do the neccessary!
Pamela and Rick looked deep into each other’s eyes in the moonlight, as they clung to the side of the boat. They were looking forward to using The Adriana for their own again!
THE END
Contributing Authors: Susan Wade, Patsy Bell Hobson, RoseMarie Combrinck Coetzee, Phillip Secca, Lori Anne Locke, Terry Dubbs
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